The game is the game, y’all
Welcome to our low-budget TEDx talk about one of the wildest dating scenes in Nigeria- the Lagos dating scene.
In Abuja, the dating scene consists of sugar Mummies and Daddies and their “wards”.
Port Harcourt’s dating scene, on the other hand, is a mix of Warri craze and sex pot.
So what are the rules governing the Lagos dating scene? What should you expect when entering the Lagos dating pool? Scroll down for the Garri and sugar.
1. No Money No Love
In Lagos, there’s no such thing as love without money. If you are lucky, you can go as far as ‘the talking stage” but nowhere beyond that. Whether or not you have a promising future is your cup of tea. Really.
2. Na Aesthetics We Dey Chop
You have to know this, too. Over here, going on dates is neither about the food [we are aware that they are almost always trash] nor is it about conversations.
Rather, it is about our fans at home because they deserve beautiful content for turning our IG follows up. We are finessing the aesthetics, no be jollof rice we never chop before.
3. There Are Traffic-Induced Break Ups
Because sitting for hours waiting for your date who is stuck in traffic is not exactly relationship-building material. Plus, the sun also makes emotions run high.
So it’s either you make lemons out of lemonades- like use traffic time as the “communication” time with your partner or lose it to canceled dates[ sponsored by Lagos traffic]. Your call.
4. You’ll Meet Lots Of “Upcoming” Artistes
Half of Lagosians are blown and the other half is waiting to blow.
God be your strength if you meet the second half of the pack because most of your relationship will be you catering to your partner’s emotional [and maybe financial] needs and encouraging them even when they are doing rubbish.
5. It’s A Close-knit Circle
And you are at a high risk of casting. Once you just bump privates with a person or even have lunch with them, scenes where they are the new CEO at your job or their best friend is the one-night stand you had before COVID begins to unfold.
Well, the Lagosian way is to handle it like an adult meaning “pretend like it never happened”. Jazz up in advance.
6. It’s Never Just One Talking Stage
The inclination to serve each other breakfast is high so everyone prefers to keep their options open- bid one good night, and tell the other one you miss them while actively learning another person’s favorite color. Don’t ever be the one caught unfresh.
7. Everybody Is Learned And Self-aware
While Ibadan people mix tenses and cough out the H-factor, Lagosians have gone to the US of A physically( or via American movies) and that makes every one of them learned and self-aware. For this reason, relationships are usually a battleground of wits and a toxic zone. Know this and know peace.
8. Everyone Is On A Journey Of Self-discovery
Not to be contradictory, the same learned people are the ones on the self-discovery journey. Everyone is trying to discover their person, their sexuality, their purpose et ce te ra, et ce rubbish.
God help you if you are part of the trial and error part of this self-discovery. God help you o.
PS: This writer apologizes for the few toes she might have stepped on in the article. Sike!
#SexandShips is a lifestyle series bringing you sexual education and relationship advice. This edition showcases the things you should expect in the Lagos dating scene.
