The Slapper vs The Slappee!
It was all drama and violence during the inauguration ceremony of Professor Charles Soludo as the new governor of Anambra State on the 17th of March. The fracas all started when Mrs Ebele Obiano, the wife of the outgoing governor and Mrs Bianca Odumegwu-Ojukwu got involved in a bitter exchange of words–and slaps.
News of the unfortunate episode has been on the lips of many Nigerians, with most people asking ‘Who was at fault? The slapper or the slappee?’. While SabiTribe is unable to categorically provide an answer to that question, we are able to share noteworthy lessons to take home:
1. “If You Talk, You Collect”–Literally
We can all agree that Davido didn’t just give us a jam when he coined these lyrics for his feature in the fire single Ke starr; he was also dishing out great advice, unfortunately not everyone got the memo.
Bottom line: if you don’t want to collect slaps, abuses, curses, etc–then don’t ‘talk’.
2. Go After The Wife Of A Soldier At Your Own Risk
A typical Nigerian knows better than to get in the way of a Nigerian Soldier–unless of course you don’t mind having your face disfigured and doing hundreds of frog jumps.
Provoking the spouse of a soldier is just as bad. It is another risky venture that may earn you a slap or two.
3. If Trouble Is Sleeping, Don’t Wake It
Just like the popular clergyman Indaboski, many Nigerians are not preachers of love. In fact many Nigerians choose violence–which is fine if you have a black belt in karate or some other martial art.
Otherwise it is better to heed to our advice; if trouble dey sleep, no do like yanga, no wake am.
4. Be Wary Of People Who Walk With A Suspicious Bounce
Nothing spells trouble more than someone with a strange bounce suddenly and aggressively making their way towards you. If you’re ever in such a situation, you can do one of two things; flee before the trouble gets to you or stand your ground and greet trouble with an inaugural slap.
Either way, always be alert.
5. Secure Your Wig At All Times
As humans we are taught to always expect the best while hoping and preparing for the worst because anything can happen. This point is particularly for the wig lovers; always ensure that your wigs are securely installed because anything can happen.
You don’t know the day that you may be awarded with a historic slap that will threaten to displace your wig.
Did we miss any one? Let us know in the comments.
#TheGoodStuff serves up some light reading with 2 shots of humor and a dash of sarcasm. This edition highlights five noteworthy lessons to pick up from the inaugural slap of 17th March, 2022.
