Post nut clarity has nothing on these stories
Sex means different things to different people. People do the do for different reasons; from just wanting to bust a nut, to wanting to make money and even wanting to bond.
Whatever the reason may be, generally sex should make you feel good. But is that everyone’s reality?
The tribe threw it out to the streets and these five people blew our collective minds.
1. Brian, 24
There was this girl I hooked up with from Bumble. We had been talking for a while and the anticipation was definitely building up. Eventually she gave me the green light and we met at a bar. After having a few shots and dancing, we went to her place. To be honest, I was certain we had a good time. What she did after the ‘foki foki’ left me confused, though. Can you believe this girl went to her drawer to retrieve a tape measure and jotter? She then proceeded to ask if she could measure me. Like my penis!
Maybe it was my confidence that I was packing a jagaban size, I sha let her. The jotter turned out to be a ranking of about 50 penis sizes. As though it could not get worse, she refused to let me see how I ranked.
The whole thing was just somehow. Who does that? The following morning like this, I japa’d fast fast. That girl was definitely cray cray.
2. Ngozi, 26
Looking back, I have to say the whole thing was wrong from the start. I’ve always had a crush on my best friend but when he got his heart broken I had no ulterior motives. I just wanted to be there for him, you know? Anyway, one thing led to another and we landed on his bed. Lmao. Home boy started crying mid sex. Omo! I ended the sex straight up. The vibe died instantly.
It got awkward for a while after but we good now.
3. Femi, 34
My own experience almost landed me inside prison. So back when I was still an undergraduate, my girlfriend (at the time) said she wanted me to get rough with her; that we should spice up our lovemaking game. As guy wey I be, I agreed. That’s how I started choking her like a fool. Aunty kept shouting harder and her moans were sweeting me–till I didn’t hear any moans again. That’s how Rachel fainted o. 😭. God! My whole life flashed before my eyes. I begged her to stop the dangerous play and even slapped her. Aunty still did not wake.
Thank God for the people in the hostel that came to my rescue. They carried her outside, poured water on her and did CPR before she was revived. Since then, any girl that says she wants it rough, it’s just spanking that I spank o. It’s not me that you will implicate.
4. Faith, 23
Omo! Mine was embarrassing, still is. One time, my boyfriend and I were really horny. And he was just turning me in 7 positions like hot eba. We are usually rough in bed. But it was different this time cause he had been away on a business trip for 2 weeks or so. Sha there was a lot of pent up energy.
I remember my embarrassing moment happened when we switched to doggy. My vagina suddenly farted. Like puuuuuuum. I felt so embarrassed! It didn’t smell or anything and Korede laughed it off. But I felt somehow and we could not continue. I checked about online and apparently it’s pretty normal, it has even happened a few times since then. But that first time ehn, I wanted to enter the ground.
5. Shola, 32
This actually happened with my current girlfriend. It even caused a fight. We used to have a long distance relationship. I was working in Lagos and she was posted to Akwa Ibom for her NYSC. I went to visit her one weekend like that but my penis was on a mission to disgrace me. I could not get hard. Even after she gave me a blowjob and all. It caused a fight cause she believed I was cheating on her. Which was not true.
As if it could not get worse, I touched her in the middle of the night with my wood. The thing went flaccid again not long after she started riding me. Omo! Those were bad times.
#PeopleTalk is a submissions segment for everyday people to talk straight about the twists and turns of everyday life. This edition highlights the weird sex experiences of five people.
