How To Blow In Nigeria

Roll with the big boys!

This year is your year. And the tribe is here to ensure that. After meticulous research on how some Nigerians turned into celebs, we’re here with a quick and easy guide for you.

Get set to blow in Nigeria and beyond. 

 

1. Invent a fire dance step

Gone are the days when you have to worry about how well your lyrics rhyme. Cook up a song but ensure you have a badass music producer to spice it with a mad beat. 

According to our study, all you need is to invent a fire dance step for your song. Then, your face will be everywhere.

 

 

2. Do Giveaways

The way to the heart of Nigerians is money and money is the currency for fame. Start doing giveaways for airtime, data and credit alert.

Everyone go love you one time!

 

 

3. Go for Nigerian Idol

This method works for good and bad singers. Your most important task is to get an audience with the judges. 

Those with frog voices or angelic voices get screen time and social media exposure. Whichever category you fall to is a win-win.

Are you still there? 🌚

4. BB Naija 

Here’s another 2 sure odds you should carry, even if it’s to spend just five minutes in the house.

Face your enemies and use every minute of your stardom to land endorsement left and right. You might just find the love of your life there and keep our hearts aflutter 🦋🦋. 

Yikes.

 

 

5. Interpret Bible/Quran for us

What will you gain if multitudes go to hell because they do not understand the holy book the way you do? Interpret, give us dressing restrictions and tell us about your past conferences with Satan.

Sit back and watch your followers increase.

 

 

6. Scandal 

When you are thinking of the fastest way to blow in Nigeria, think scandals. Sure you will be dragged. At least, it will be on a mega scale and everybody will finally know you.

No need to thank us please, it makes us shy🙈.

 

 

7. Drop hot takes on social media

Stop doing ‘look and pass’ when things trend on social media. Your job from now on is to air your opinion on every topic you see. 

After all, your heroes’ past have fought for your freedom of speech. Let them drag you like tiger gen, it will only make you famous.

 

 

8. Make skits

Do you have a funny bone? Very good. An iPhone and a ring light are two other things you need to complete your content creator starter pack. 

Life is hard, so funny skit makers are always a welcomed distraction. 

 

 

9. Post lavish lifestyle everywhere

Nigerians are attracted to money and people with a full pocket of it. Even if it’s a fake life, you will still blow. Take pictures of you dancing on a yacht in a thong or touring the world. Then sit back and watch yourself become a famous person in Nigeria fast fast.

You will think it’s juju.

 

 

#TheGoodStuff serves up some light reading with 2 shots of humor and a dash of sarcasm. This edition highlights all the secrets you need to blow in Nigeria and beyond.