How She Found Out She Might Never Be A Mother

She tried to help women struggling to become mothers and got a tragic shock

Three things get to me easily, such that no matter what mood I’m in, they have the power to make me smile: My younger brother, pregnant women and cute babies (especially girls). It hurts me when I meet someone who can’t have the baby they want or just lost one they had. Why do people have to take medications, see specialists, go for prayer meetings, eat healthy, have intercourse in the most decent, lovely places and yet, nothing. But a young girl that only consented to “put the tip in” or was coerced into sex will get pregnant and even after maintaining an unhealthy lifestyle, or never even visiting a hospital during the pregnancy, she will still give birth to a healthy baby.

I ask again, why? My quest for answers led me to one of the possible remedies for childlessness: Surrogacy. I realised I could actually help a woman become a mother. I applied to surrogate agencies but they all declined my offer because I hadn’t given birth before; turns out you have to prove your ability to carry your own child before they let you carry someone else’s. I felt bad so I spoke about it with a friend who suggested donating my eggs. Surrogacy takes nine months and a toll on your body but donating your eggs only takes a day and you are done. Or so I thought.

I found a fertility clinic, made an appointment and then went in to take numerous tests that required drawing a scary amount of blood. I was told to go home and wait for a call back that never came. Days passed before I called them myself and was told my hormone levels weren’t acceptable, something about my Follicle-Stimulating Hormone (FSH) level being too high.

Turns out Ovulatory Dysfunction (anovulation) is the name of whatever this is. What I used to overlook as simply an irregular menstrual cycle was a result of anovulatory bleeding; in simple terms, I don’t ovulate most times I menstruate, even with my typically heavy flow. I was shocked. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I decided to go for a scan at a different hospital, only to find out I also have three fast growing fibroids as well. To get pregnant, I’ll likely need medication but that’s only the beginning. Will the fibroids let the foetus survive? Taking out one fibroid is easy, but three? Not to mention there’s a possibility they will regrow. 

I just took the news calmly, went home and then cried myself to sleep. I have never gone back to the hospital for it again. How did I go from trying to help other women become mothers to finding out I might be one of the people that need it? 

— Oghenekaro*

#PeopleTalk is a segment for everyday people to talk straight about the twists and turns of everyday life. This edition highlights the fertility issues common among Nigerian women with a submission from a woman that tried to help and was disappointed in the worst way.