A celebration of life!
It is no longer news that Queen Elizabeth II–the longest reigning British monarch–passed away at 96 years on the 8th of September. Her death automatically set in motion her funeral plan, what was popularly referred to as Operation London Bridge. On the 19th of September, after a 10-day period of mourning Queen Elizabeth II’s state funeral took place at Westminster Abbey.
The Queen’s funeral was an elaborate ceremony with World leaders from all over the world in attendance. Hundreds of thousands of well wishers flanked the procession ground to pay their last respects and millions watched from all over the world.
Well, if the queen was Nigerian here is how we think the funeral would go:
1. Gov. Wike’s Band Would Perform
Her funeral ceremony would begin with a special rendition from the best band in the country–Governor Wike’s band.
They would sum up her life’s journey in a few catchy verses and give us a melody to shake body small.
2. The Dancing Ghana Pallbearers Would Lead The Procession
With the band still playing, our Ghanaian Undertaker brothers gracefully clad in dazzling white suits would shoulder the casket and deliver their finest coffin-carrying dance routine.
3. 960 Cows Would Be Slaughtered
Yes! Because it is not easy to be the longest reigning monarch, plus is it not about 400 cows that were slaughtered at Obi Cubana’s mother’s burial?
Is 960 now too much for a whole queen? Definitely not.
4. Nigerian Celebrities Would Dress To Kill–Literally
After hustling for asoebi in secret, your faves would task their stylists with the responsibility of designing the most flamboyant outfits for them.
Outfits that would steal the show, land them on all the country’s fashion blogs and fetch them a Best dressed Award (Adieu Mama Edition).
5. Guests And Gatecrashers Would Fight For The Royal Souvenirs
Royal funeral equals royal souvenirs; nothing like plastic hand fans, dust pans or plastic cups.
Instead there would be an assortment of royal souvenirs like Television sets, iPhones, AC units, and laptops that the guests would end up fighting over and looting.
6. The Princess Of Africow Would Give The Vote Of Thanks
Amidst tears, James Brown, would thank everyone for honoring the royal family’s invite and paying their respects to the queen, his grandmother.
Halfway through the speech, he would break into tears and threaten to go and join the queen. His junior Princess Gracious Brown would hold him down.
7. Unknown Heirs Would Spring Up From Unknown Places
Mystery men and women accompanied by their lawyers would surface with their strange documents claiming to be related to the queen. Talking about how they have come to claim their inheritance or take their rightful place on the throne.
#TheGoodStuff serves up some light reading with 2 shots of humor and a dash of sarcasm. This edition highlights how the Queen’s funeral would have gone down if she were Nigerian.
