Ouuuch!
Breakfast is Gen Z-speak for breakup and legends insist that it is inevitable–for everyone. We have received and served our fair share of this universal meal and we can totally relate to how hurtful it can be.
However, in this same journey of life, we discovered that there are things that do exist that hurt more than breakups. Ahead, we have listed seven things that make the pain of a breakup feel like a mosquito bite, read on:
1. Scoring 69/100 When Grade A Starts At 70/100
This is what you get when Satan gives its brand influencers (your village people and your lecturers) a raise and dashes the hopes of your parents. They believe that one day, you will become a “doctor” and they will be able to pepper their friends.
The pain of missing the love of your life should not even be compared to this breakfast prepared from the pits of hell.
2. Mistakenly Zipping Your BalI
Imagining that soft piece of flesh caught in the teeth of a zipper only brings very disturbing images to mind. How shall the victim explain their predicament to the people around?
May God save us from muddy situations. Y’all be careful out there.
3. Money Finishing In The ATM When Its Your Turn
During the pre-POS days, Nigerians suffered in the hands of Nigerian banks and their ATMs–so much so that if you didn’t believe in witchcraft, ATMs would convince you.
ATMs had different ways of shattering people’s hearts; either swallowing your card when you have been standing in a queue for hours or not dispensing when it got to your turn.
Fortunately, with the number of POS agents on the rise, such situations aren’t as rampant.
4. Being Told “I Saw Only Your Charger, Not Your Phone.”
A sentence that holds the ‘breakup feeling’ by the throat and squeezes. That day, one stubborn voice will keep singing “I told you so” in soprano, tenor, and alto. A band performance will follow and then the goosebumps, and the urge to go see things for yourself.
Moral Lesson: Never leave your phone to charge unsupervised.
5. When The Original Netflix Subscriber Changes Their Password
Nigerians are not very keen on the idea of paying to stream anything. This is why when a new movie is released on Netflix and they are screaming with excitement, you should not be deceived–not all of them are paid Netflix subscribers.
They could be the gum bodies empowered by Netflix’s multiple-users scheme. So imagine their pain when they rush with excitement to try and stream a new release, only to find that they have been locked out by the umpire.
6. Scoring Less Than The Person You ‘Tutored’ During An Exam
This is the kind of pain that causes internal screaming–who do you want to tell the story of your life? Kindness has come back to bite you at the legs as you have no way to scream malpractice without implicating yourself.
At least, in breakups, you can sit on the road, remove your wig, and let the dam break. In this situation, you can only lick your wounds in secret and live with the fact that you went from Good Samaritan to Bloody Samaritan in a flash.
#TheGoodStuff serves up some light reading with 2 shots of humor and a dash of sarcasm. This edition highlights seven things that hurt more than a breakup.
