I Hate My Parents

 I Hate My Parents

Parents are considered our first nurturers. Your relationship with them carries a lot of weight in defining who you are and how you relate with the world around you.

For these four young Nigerians, their parents had hard lessons to teach them about life. 

1. Nix*, 22

At first, it was due to their neglect. I was the supposed middle child that needed no parental care. My elder brother is mentally ill which means more supervision and stress for my parents. As for my sister, eyes must be kept on her at all times so she won’t ‘go astray’. 

I literally had to father and mother myself. But my hatred for them doubled when they stalled my progress in life. I had several opportunities to leave the country with a study visa but they were dismissed. And get this, it was not for the lack of money.

When I was still in secondary school, they pulled me out of private school and put me in a public school. Right in the second term of SS2. Omo that thing affected my academic performance.

Now I’m the cold and detached guy with anxiety at home. And they wonder why.

2. Tamara*, 17

Watching my dad deal physical and emotional blows to my mum was the genesis of my hatred for him. By the time I clocked 8, domestic violence was no longer a mystery. I can’t even share all of the fights I have seen. They are countless. And being the eldest meant I was somehow put in the middle of their fights.

Was it the time my mum found out he was cheating? They woke the house up as early as 5a.m with their fight and believe me it was nasty. As usual, my dad walked out of the house for her.

He tried to do the same thing some years back on father’s day. My mum was yelling about how he never spent time with his own kids. Well, dad was not having it. I found my dad wrestling mum for his car keys so he could leave the house. He bit her really hard so she could let go of the keys.

I watched my mum bleed while my dad left without a backward glance. How do you treat someone who has done nothing but love and stay by your side for 17 years like this? 

He was emotionally unavailable during my childhood too. Never showed up for milestones that mattered to me. He upped the ante in my teen years by becoming physically violent. Earlier this year, he found out I was an atheist. It’s been downhill from there. Not only did he regret marrying mum but also giving birth to me.

A shitty husband and father through and through.

3. Bunmi*, 20

Actually, it’s my mum I hate the most. I entered this life as the first child and only daughter of two church workers. And therein was the source of my trauma. Funny how I used to think fights with my parents would be on my choice of clothes or something religious. Boy, how wrong I was. 

My mum made me feel worthless. She once said my birth was her greatest regret and that out of her four children, I was the only one who made motherhood the hardest for her. How do you say something so cruel to your own child?

As though the physical abuse was not enough. One time she encouraged my father to strip me naked before beating me. This may sound crazy but I swear she also roots for my failure.

Just when I thought she could not go any lower, she used the death of my bestie’s mum to score cheap points in an argument. She is so vile. The day I move out can not come fast enough and it will be the last day we speak.]

4. Demi*, 18

I am the first born of my parents and unfortunately a lot of trauma came with it. I have suffered so much abuse under the guise of home training. I guess it is okay to trade off a child’s happiness for societal approval. My mother mostly handles the physical abuse while my father does the emotional side of it.

For many years, I lived my life for them so they could be proud of me. Still, that was not enough. My parents only ever see my bad behaviors. Never the good. 

The physical and emotional abuse at home took a toll on me and it was not long before I got depressed. I actually tried to kill myself at the age of 9. When I told them about my depression, they said it was a white man’s disease. That it was not something black people could have. 

Do you know what else keeps doing my head in? I still have made them proud. I have kept my grades up and did a lot of things to impress them. Imagine being a nursing student working multiple jobs and still acing my school grades.

Well, I am done with enduring pain and abuse. I’m moving out next year.

#PeopleTalk is a submissions segment for everyday people to talk straight about the twists and turns of everyday life. This edition tells the stories of four Nigerians who hate their parents.