Trick or treat?
It’s the spooky season for some countries, and we imagined Nigerians being part of the party.
Here are six things that we think would happen if we celebrated Halloween in Nigeria:
1. ‘Trick Or Treat’ Would Not Be Chocolate
It can never be chocolate, you knew that right? Cassava, garri, beans, and maize have risen amongst their peers to become the diet and therefore a perfect substitute for chocolate.
Therefore, preserving culture and escaping jedi jedi is a Nigerian Halloween goal, dears.
2. The Costumes
Well, you can’t say you haven’t had enough Halloween practice since the early days of Nollywood. Kindly refer to the Nollywood movies of old for costume inspo.
A little black and white chalk ear and dear are going to get into your spooky boots.
3. No Apples
If you decide to draw lines here; we agree with you–this borrowed culture is proving to be expensive. Buy three hundred naira apple to do Jack-O -lantern?
If the gods cannot manage our phone flashlight, maybe they should sort themselves.
4. Lagosians Would Beat Each Other Up In Traffic
We can already see this happening, the Wizard of Oz versus The Great Gatsby bashing each other’s cars. Well, it’s just further proof that Nigeria itself is all the elements of horror.
God have mercy.
5. Church Mountains Will Be Full
In numbers shall our mothers and aunts appear on the mountain to keep vigil because their worst fears have come to pass–their children are now cultists.
The competition will now be on who has stronger vocal cords as they call on their maker to release their children from the grips of Lucifer.
6. The Authorities Would Think It’s Another Protest
Now that we seem to have found our voice as a nation, most gatherings are seen as a budding revolution.
Imagine innocently flaunting your wizard of Oz costume in one minute and fighting with tear gas in the next. God abeg!
#TheGoodStuff serves up some light reading with 2 shots of humour and a dash of sarcasm. This edition highlights how Halloween in Nigeria would go down.
