Collect your money!
Unrepentant debtors have two common traits–crying buckets for you to lend them money and becoming (oporoko) dry fish when it’s time to pay back the money they borrowed.
Well, today marks the end of their reign of terror because the Tribe is here to share six proper tips on how to deal with them. Lenders, are you there?
1. Call Them Out On Twitter
This is for when you are going out for blood so you present their flesh on a platter to the e-cannibals of Twitter. All the ment and audacity your debtor ever possessed shall be peeled away and instant strength to transfer your funds back to you shall be bestowed upon them–after a few hours of dragging on the street of Twitter.
2. Paste Their Info Everywhere
There is no harm in being the one to kick start their journey to fame, after all, all blow na blow. Who knows? Pasting their pictures everywhere with wanted (in colour red) splashed across, maybe the crucial step to finding their destiny helper.
Even if it isn’t, we are still confident that your money is going to come out!
3. Take ‘The Mothers’ (Witches) On Your Next Ask
According to Nollywood, the mothers have an another-worldly appearance that is enough to set any crooked brain straight. And if your debtor feels like they have some ment to display, leave the mothers to do them as they will.
PS: Accessing the mothers can be DIY too (not every time, you go to a herbalist). Self-summon can be done by flogging yourself with a broom 77 times. No more. No less.
4. Appear In Their Dream
Nothing makes Nigerians shit nickels like seeing people they know in their dreams. And when that person is someone they owe? They go gaga.
Appear in their dreams and state in clear terms, how and when you want your funds returned. Please don’t leave the scene without stating your terms clearly!
5. Report Them To Their Work Rival
We shall call this one blue-collar shege and it’s solely for people who don’t like getting their hands in the dirt. Your debtor will most likely have a work rival they do not like in the least, and they are the best candidate for your revenge.
Let’s just say with this tip, peace will be the last thing your debtor feels.
6. Hire Thugs To Beat Them Up
Get yourself some Mushin bros and let them beat the audacity out of the debtor. A good pounding always held the reputation of setting people straight and even the Bible says so.
N.B: This page doesn’t support violence.
#TheGoodStuff serves up some light reading with 2 shots of humour and a dash of sarcasm. This edition highlights six proper ways to deal with people who borrow money without returning it.
