7 Things Lagos Dispatch Riders Are Known For

Dispatch riders are supposed to be superior to aboki riders but we beg to differ

If you think that with the ridiculous number of logistics companies in Lagos, it will be easy to find reliable dispatch riders, think again. If you wanna see crazy, just have an encounter with the average Lagos dispatch service. Smooth and efficient delivery is the last thing you should expect. Here’s a list of 7 things dispatch riders are known for in Lagos (none of them good). How many of the following have you suffered?

1. Always late

As a customer, they will test your patience to heaven and back. Don’t even think of changing it for them because they will show you werey, gbas gbos and even insult you on top. You can order for a product to arrive in the morning and still not get it till the next day. Incompetence persevering.

2. Bad customer service

Just forget about customer service because the only thing they know how to service is the engine oil in their bikes. They can be unruly and will almost never apologise for any wrongdoing. Is it shouting at a customer on the phone? Cutting the call on you? Small thing. Even outrightly telling you they can’t come meet you at your location and that you must come to them is possible.

3. Traffic Warlords

They are always in a hurry; whether it’s forming ‘James Bond’ with traffic lights or finding tiny gaps to squeeze through in traffic, there’s no stopping them once they mount that bike. Just know that wherever two or more riders are gathered in traffic, the probability of receiving scratches on your car, or even losing a side mirror, is high. Personal advice, when you see them in traffic, you either block all the space with your car or let them go. No dragging.

4. Being replaced as often as possible

This one is for the friends and family of the owners of the dispatch bikes, kindly check up on their mental health from time to time as they need it. We know money comes and goes but not as fast as these riders. It’s either they damage the bike on the first day, get into police, council or lastma problems, or even run away with the customer’s item and bike altogether. They will give you stories like my wife just delivered, my father just died or I was robbed on the 3rd mainland bridge. They know there’s always another bike owner they can go and frustrate so leaving your damaged bike for you is never a thing to stress about.

5. Damaging your goods

Be it cakes,  hair, phones or sealed containers, there’s nothing they cannot spoil. They Stack items upon items on each other and end up damaging or even misplacing items in transit. Just know when your customer is complaining to you as a vendor that the item you packaged well when handing over to the rider is damaged or the cake is now like “Eba,” just know what has happened.

6. Overloading 

There is nothing they cannot carry even if it is a fridge, another bike, furniture, doors and even human cargo. They are literally competing with the Eiffel Tower when it comes to height and nothing is too big to handle for them.

7. Impatience 

They just arrived at your house and are already threatening you that you are delaying them. Someone that came late in the first place. The guts that they have shaaa! Father help you if you don’t leave whatever you are doing and rush to their front now now, it’s till tomorrow before you see their break light again.

#TheGoodStuff serves up some light reading with 2 shots of humor and a dash of sarcasm. In this edition, dispatch riders are exposed for who they truly are.