Anger Management for beginners!
Have you ever been so annoyed that you felt you’d explode? Nigeria’s largest city, Lagos, is home to over 20 million people and rumour has it that most of these people are moving mad. What this means is that there’s is a long list of people and things ready to get on your nerves.
Because emotions can drive our mindset and approach to life, we decided to tackle an emotion that most Nigerians can relate very well with–Anger. Look at it like this: anger is like a weed in a garden. It’s absolutely normal for weeds to pop up, in fact, it’s actually expected.
However, if these aren’t removed with immediate alacrity, they spread quickly, corrupting and choking the other plants. Here are 6 ways you can control that weed:
#1: Count down from 100
A popular film line, counting down from 100 shifts your focus and energy from the event or person annoying you to the exercise. For the nerds asking “How?” Neurology.
Here’s an exercise. Can you make yourself angry right now? Like very angry. You’re probably clenching your fists or teeth and squeezing your face but no real emotions are building up. That’s because anger needs direction – a person, thought or object of focus.
Now think of something that makes you mad like injustice. Angrier now? Ok, count down from 100. If you’re like most people, you have to visualize the numbers. However your brain can’t sustain two mentally draining exercises at once, so one goes on the back burner, resulting in your anger subsiding.
#2: Pace around your room, take a walk or run.
Anger requires a lot of energy. From the clenching of fists to the boiling of emotions. Releasing that energy in some way other than in an altercation leaves very little energy for anger.
So exercise. And even if you’re still feeling angry after it won’t be as bad as before.
#3: Practice confronting the person
Do this especially when you’re angry with a friend or relative. Anger has a way of clouding the mind such that our words are like weapons being shot blindly to cause the most damage.
Practice confronting the person like you’d practice a speech. The trick here is to give yourself time to process what offended you and why. Try using words like, “You offended me because…” or “I’m angry because you …” Remember these are people you love and do life with.
This is where the Holy Spirit convicts believers, “So you want to tell someone that God created they are stupid abi? Ahan, man/woman of God!”
#4: Remove yourself from the situation
Whether it’s news on social media or an annoying relative, try removing yourself from the situation as being in the vicinity of the trigger can continue fueling your anger.
#5: Practice gratitude
Anger comes from focusing on the bad. Practicing gratitude can help you control your reaction and give you grace under pressure.
For example, say to yourself, “I should really be angry because that danfo driver dropped me past my bus stop but because I’m going to the mall with my sister tomorrow, I will focus on that” or “I should be angry because my roommate’s friend ate my food but I will focus on the fact that I have food to eat or a room to sleep in.”
#6: Rant to the atmosphere
We felt we needed to add this one specifically for our Lagos drivers. Anger just needs an outlet and it doesn’t have to be a person. Even God reported the Israelites to the mountains before accusing them of wrongdoing.
Wind up and rant to the atmosphere because what if the person you plan to abuse is your new manager at work? May we not be unfortunate. Say amen.
Remember, you are not your emotions. You can control your anger. Try shifting your energy to something else. Give yourself time to think before speaking. It is important to express your dissatisfaction but the goal is to do it without causing more hurt or anger.
What do you do to calm yourself down? Let’s know in the comments.
#MentalMatters is a mental health series exploring matters of the mind and promoting conscious living. This edition highlights ways to keep your anger in check.
